Sunday, October 31, 2010

Day 10-a long one

day 10: one confession.

I'm happy right now. That sounds like a strange confession to make, but let me explain, and bear with me, because for some reason it's hard to say. I am happy right now with our life...just the way things are. I got married at 21, thinking I'd be FINISHED having kids by 25. When I was in college, I thought the month after I graduated we'd start "trying." Now it's almost been a year since graduation, I'm 27 1/2 and Zac is 30, and I am COMPLETELY FINE with the fact we do not have kids. Isn't that weird? If I could have told the 21-year-old me that I wouldn't have kids until I was almost 30, I know I would have flipped out. But I AM HAPPY!!! In fact, I wouldn't mind if we waited a few years to start our family! It's strange to even write. I don't know why I feel guilty about this, but I do. I think I fear that I will let someone down. Maybe my two sisters who already have kids? Maybe my nieces and nephew? Maybe our parents who LOVE being grandparents? Maybe my coworkers? Maybe perfect strangers? I'm not sure why I am so worried about what everyone thinks, but I know we've been married 6 years and "it's time" to have kids, but I'm not ready. See, Zac and I did everything in a funny order. We married before I finished school, we moved a bunch, then I got a job, then finished school, and in a weird way I feel younger and "less settled" now than I did years ago, when we were living in Burnet and I was only 21, but all of my friends were stay at home moms. We finally have two jobs that we are happy with, making a nice amount of money (I didn't say a lot, but compared to what our income has been the past 6 years, it feels like lots!) and we want to be selfish for awhile. We want to travel. We want new furniture. We want to sleep late on Saturday morning. I used to think it was such a cop-out when people said they wanted to "be selfish" before they had kids, because I thought life didn't start UNTIL you have kids. But now that I have a consuming job, and very little time at the house, I realize the importance of having time to yourself, and the importance of Zac and I getting to check some things off of our 'list' before we start our family.
It feels weird to admit. I guess because I've been so obsessed with becoming a mom for so long, it's weird to not have that desire anymore. I mean, I want to be a mom eventually, but not soon. Kinda strange how it seems the older we get, the closer parenthood should feel, but we both agree that it just keeps seeming further away. Hmm...weird.
Anyways, there. It's off my chest now. That's my deep dark secret. Does it surprise you? Do you think less of me? I feel better.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Day 9

day 9: two words that describe your life right now.

CHALLENGING

FULFILLING

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day 8

day 8: three turn ons.


1. Thoughtfulness. Be it from Zac or a co-worker, or a perfect stranger. When someone does something thoughtful for me, that puts me on such a high. Everything from Zac giving me flowers, to someone holding the door open for me at a restaurant. I just love when people do nice things for other people.


2. Chocolate. :) I don't think I really need to explain, do I?


3. Compassion. Towards children, animals, and people with special needs, in particular. A little compassion and understanding goes a looong way with me. You might not understand, but you can still be compassionate. :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Awesome Day

You guessed it! I had an amazing day at work! I have had days that felt "okay" or where "nothing major happened, so I guess it was alright," but this entire school year I've yet to leave with a bounce in my step, feeling like it was the best day ever. Until today! It was great! I took half of the kids to Wal-Mart to shop for our teacher luncheon (which is Thursday), and then to Chili's to eat out. By this time last year, we'd taken the entire class out to eat lunch several times (how to behave in public is a big part of our curriculum, and therefore going out to eat is a very educational experience). Anyways, this year, due to our difficult situation, we haven't taken them out to eat once. So we decided that letting them go out to eat as a smaller group would be much more sensible, and we were right! The shopping AND eating was not only manageable, but pleasant, and FUN! I got to interact with all the kids, and they each felt so special. There were 7 kids, and 4 adult, which means that back at school was 9 kids and 3 adults. When we got back, I was so pumped to hear that they had an awesome morning too! The aides told me how nice it was and how the kids were very easy going and it felt laid back and quite enjoyable, even though they were still learning. It was such a great day for everyone, all the way around! Now...if only we could take half the class on community trips every day! :)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Day 7

day 7: four turn offs.

1. Bad grammar and table manners. I know I risk sounding snobby by admitting this, but it's probably my most common "turn off." Perhaps because it was so emphasized to me in my youth, I can't stand double negatives, improper conjugations, etc. Equally as bad in my eyes are bad manners at meal time. Eww...

2. Ignorant and close-minded people. I don't think I really have to explain that. I just can't stand when people are so un-accepting and intolerant. You might not agree with others' lifestyles, but it really doesn't affect yours, so get over it!


3. Hearing people brush their teeth or file their nails. I have some sensory issues obviously and it makes my stomach flip to hear or see either of these.


4. The dentist! I have spent the last 15 years of my life going to the most intimate types of doctors, but nothing bothers me more than going to the dentist! I think this partially relates to the sensory issues, because it's not the pain, it's the SOUNDS and FEELING of the tools. Plus, it feels so vulnerable to me to have someone else's hands in your mouth. I love my dentist, and go every six months, without fail, but I have to go to a "specialty" dentist, who gives me an anxiety pill to take the night before. They have leather recliners instead of the typical dentist chairs, and flat screens and head phones and iPods and blankets to make you as comfortable as possible. Thanks goodness I'm not the only baby when it comes to the dentist! :)

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Day 6

day 6: five people who mean a lot to you.

What? I can only name five? That's not fair...Okay, I'm not even going to explain it, because it's pretty obvious as to why these people would mean the world to me!


1. Mom
2. Zac
3.Papa
4. Liz
5. Molly 

PS-I think this is the lamest topic so far. Just sayin'...

Friday, October 22, 2010

Day 5

day 5: six things you wish you could change or you wish you'd never done.


Eww! This one is hard and potentially pretty personal. Oh well, here goes...
1. I wish I could change the orphan situation. Every child needs a loving home, and there are too many kids without one.
2. I wish I would have graduated from McMurry.
3. I wish I could change the laws and views on same sex marriage. I truly hope one day our kids/grandkids will ask how people were so mean to gay people (the same way we ask how there was ever a time when you had more or less rights based on the color of your skin.), because they won't be able to imagine it being any other way BUT to have equal rights for everyone.
4. I wish I could change the distance I live from my family, and my nieces and nephew in particular.
5. I wish I could change the price of airfare. We would travel WAY more if it wasn't so expensive to fly!
6. I wish my classroom was running like a smooth oiled machine. We are hoping it will be by Christmas. Sigh...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

one of those days...

I know I already posted this song once, and on facebook, but I LOVE IT, and there's a chance you might have missed it. Don't miss it. It's irresistible. Okay, quit reading and click play. Also, I posted the lyrics below, because I love them as much as the melody and instrumentation. You're Welcome!!!



Don't ask me how I'm doing
If you don't wanna know
I stayed out too late
Woke up late
Oh, you know how it goes
Give off the vibe that everything's fine
As long as, as long as
You don't look in my eyes

It's all going just so perfectly wrong

Hey hey hey what can I say?
It's just one of those, one of those days
Hey hey hey what can I say?
It's just one of those, one of those days
Ah ah ahhh

Don't mind this kind of life
Of hurry up and wait
Too many things to do to lose
It gets a little insane
So much crazy in twenty-four hours
Too many bills, too little frills
And none of the flowers

What I wouldn't give for a minute to myself

Hey hey hey what can I say?
It's just one of those, one of those days
Hey hey hey what can I say?
It's just one of those, one of those days
Ah ah ahhh
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Hey hey hey what can I say?
It's just one of those, one of those days
(repeat 3x)

It's just been one of those days
It's all going just so perfectly wrong

Day 4

day 4: seven things that cross your mind a lot.

1. My students...always...24/7! I fall asleep thinking about them, wake up thinking about them, and never stop thinking about them.
2. "I need to find a restroom."
3. having my own children...adoption...domestic vs. international
4. "I wonder what Molly is doing?" (when I'm not home) and "Molly's getting old." (when I am with her)
5. "when is it time to eat? what am I going to eat?" (sad, I know)
6. "OMG! I love this song!! This song fits my life perfectly!" haha, Zac was teasing me about this last night in the car!
7. This one is kind of deranged, but lately I have been certain that I will die young. Not sure why I keep thinking that, or how it's going to happen, but I think about it a lot. I know it's really weird and dark. I can't explain it, I just think about it all the time. Zac hates it. I promise I am okay, this isn't a cry for help or anything, haha!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Day 3

day 3: eight things you couldn't live without

1. Family
2. Music
3. Chocolate/Skittles
4. Friends
5. Pizza/Dr. Pepper
6. Children
7. Molly (please don't tell me one day I will have to live without her, because I simply don't want to)
8. Internet

Honorable Mentions:
Bert's Bees Wax chap stick
sun screen
perfume (I love perfume!)
Animals

*I know I cheated on numbers three and five, and by naming more than 8, but it's my blog and I can cheat if I want to! 

Monday, October 18, 2010

Day 2

day 2: nine things about yourself that most people don't know.

This is hard for me, since I'm an open book, and I've had a blog for awhile, so I feel like I've already shared the stuff no one knows. Hmm...guess I'll have to get recent. And petty. Can't promise it will be entertaining.

1. I have a whole new genre of music I am obsessed with. I can't get enough Sara Bareilles, Ingrid Michaelson, Sia, The Temper Trap, Florence and the Machine, Salem, Lily Allen, A Fine Frenzy and all this fun and soothing and HAPPY music. I listen to it in the mornings getting ready, at work, anytime I can. I love it. Also, I love Pandora! Here is a song that I LOVE and seems to be my themesong lately. Even though it talks about "one of those days" it's still happy and cheerful. Enjoy...





2. I have a new tea that I love. It's Yogi and it's called "Bedtime." It has chamomile, and taste sooo yummy. I didn't think it would actually help me sleep better, but IT DOES! And I wake up feeling refreshed and well rested! I'm telling you, I've used Ambien before and Nyquil lots, but nothing beats this amazing and healthy tea! Try it...you'll thank me!


3. Speaking of new discoveries, I have a confession. I had never had pumpkin bread (or anything pumpkin-it just sounds disgusting to me) until about two weeks ago. I was at Panera Bread (OMG...have I ever told y'all how much I LOVE that place!?) with a few coworkers and one of them insisted I try her pumpkin break. I knew I wouldn't like it, but wanted to be polite so I ate the piece she broke off for me. It was AMAZING! Love at first taste! It kindof reminded me of another thing I love...carrot cake. It had all those scrumptious spices and it was so moist! I tried to go to the counter and  buy my own slice, but they had already sold out. I went to Panera last night for the sole purpose of getting some pumpkin break (okay, and a greek salad) and they didn't have any. Boo!


4. You probably already know this, but I LOVE my students. As difficult and stressful as my job is, it's not the kids that make it that way. The kids bring me so much joy. If I was rich, I would have a camera man follow me around so I could record and replay and replay the precious moments I share with these kids!! The smallest things can mean so much, and I treasure it.


5. Zac and I are in a disagreement over where our next big trip will be. Okay, I'll tell you right now that he's going to win, and that's because it's his turn to pick the place (hello...Spain was my choice!), but I'm still giving him heck about it. For fun. We both want to do Paris (get ready Oldhams!) and London (Matt, are you prepared?), but the third place is the great debate. I want Italy. Italy...I can't even list all the reasons, but hello...ITALY! He wants Ireland. Ireland makes more sense...it is closer to the other two cities, and I know it will be beautiful and yada yada yada, but it's no Italy. At least we will speak the language?


6. Teen Mom is my favorite show on TV. There, I said it. No joke. It's the show I love the most. I also like Jersey Shore, Blue Bloods, The Office, Modern Family, and Dancing With The Stars. But those are the only shows I watch. And I don't even watch those regularly. Except for Teen Mom. And the season finale was last week, so what am I supposed to do now?


7. My sweet tooth has never been louder or needier than it is in it's 27th year. I can't get enough cupcakes, chocolate, brownies, candy. My sweet tooth doesn't discriminate. If the treat is loaded with sugar, it's bound to be happy. Sad, but true. I'm trying to whip it into shape, but it is way more fun (and tasty) to listen and give in.


8. I have to use Aloe Vera toilet paper. I know that's random, but I really hate using anything else. Two hotel stays in the last week reminded me how much I love my own aloe t.p.


9. I haven't been keeping up with news or politics. At all. I don't even feel that bad about it. I know it's ignorant, and I should know what's going on, but I don't care. Honestly, my days are crazy and stressful and my brain is on overload at all times. When I'm online or watching tv, I want a happy distraction. I want to escape reality...not find out what else is wrong. Does that make me a bad person?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Day 1

As part of the "10 Days of Blogging," here is...

day 1: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.  (in no particular order...) 

1. Zac- I know I have been super stressed and preoccupied every since school started. Thanks for understanding, and being patient and supportive, and loving, despite me being emotional and irritable. You are a great husband and I'm lucky you're mine!


2. Liz- I am so proud of who you are, and that you're my sister. You are an amazing woman, mom, wife, and sister! Also, I know this was a while back, but we had so much fun in Shreveport, and I'm so glad you and Andy came! We need to do more stuff like that together.


3. Mama- I had a GREAT weekend with you and Pops...I'm so glad y'all decided to come. Zac and I will both be very happy if I'm just like you when I grow up! :)


4. Stacy- I miss you. I hate that we don't get to see each other very often, but I do think about you all the time. Let's get together soon! I always leave our GT dates feeling happy and refreshed and wondering why we don't do them way more often! :)


5. Ellen- I have too much to say to you to put it all into a blog post. I think you are amazing, and I'm so grateful you're not only my cousin, but a close friend! I feel blessed that you've opened my eyes (and Zac's) to adoption. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us, but no matter what it is, I'm grateful that I have your adoption expertise to help guide us.


6. Tatem- I wish we got to see y'all way more often! You are such a wonderful mother, and Eliza is one of the coolest kids I've ever met. (not that I'm biased or anything!)


7. Eli- I hate that we don't get to talk or text as much as we always have, but I love that despite that fact, I still feel super close to you and consider you one of my best friends! Your happy, non-judgmental, loving spirit is an inspiration to me, and everyone who encounters you. Eli, you have a beautiful soul!!


8. Amy F.-It was so great to see you this weekend. Sam is absolutely precious. You have stepped into the role of mom so well and I love how you were so laid back and go-with-the-flow this weekend! I hope I can travel and be as well adjusted as you are when I am a new mom! 


9. Granny- Thank you for correcting my grammar, and making me use my best table manners at all times. Thank you for stressing the importance of family, and making a point to get us all together when possible. Thanks for sharing hundreds of great stories, that I'll never forget. Thanks for taking each of us on a trip and fostering a love of traveling deep inside of me. Thank you for making me feel so special and loved! I hope I can be just like you when I'm older!


10. Kelle Hampton- (my favorite blogger, who will never read my blog, but I still want to say...) Your words and writing inspire me. Your pictures are gorgeous. I know it sounds kinda cheesy or stalker-ish, but I wish we were friends, like, in real life. I would tell you that I think you are an amazing woman with such a great outlook on life. I'd also tell you that it must be scary and the unknowns of raising a girl with Down Syndrome could be daunting, but there are probably scary unknowns with every kid. I know you;re raising Nella in a way that she will be such a loved and happy girl. Thanks for posting...my evening is always better when I get to look inside your world. :)

Saturday, October 16, 2010

10 days of blogging


So we all know that I have been a very bad blogger lately. I'm hoping this little "trend" in blogging will help me get back on track...at least for a while. :) Here are the posts that will be coming:

day 1: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

day 2: nine things about yourself that most people don't know.

day 3: eight things you couldn't live without.

day 4: seven things that cross your mind a lot.

day 5: six things you wish you could change or you wish you'd never done.

day 6: five people who mean a lot to you.

day 7: four turn offs.

day 8: three turn ons.

day 9: two words that describe your life right now.

day 10: one confession.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Wow...

The Autism Conference was AMAZING (wish I had time to type out all the cool things I learned!), and the time I spent in Corpus Christi was awesome. Our hotel was right on the waterfront, so we woke up to the sun rising over the ocean. The weather was gorgeous and we walked everywhere. The conference center was just a few blocks down the road from us, and also right on the water. We ate our boxed lunch outside one day, and in the middle of a bite, I noticed dolphins splashing in the water. There were two or three of them jumping up and down for quite a while...it was awesome. The hotel was nice, Vickie (my co-teacher) and I were able to talk and plan alot, I learned a great deal, but the best part was it was VERY RELAXING! We moved at a slower pace and got to hit the refresh button. It was so nice.
I made a cheesy little video on my iphone with some of the pics I took (also using my iphone), which you can watch HERE. Enjoy.

Monday, October 4, 2010

I'm a big kid now!

A lot of things in my life have made me feel like a grown up. The main one that stands out to me is buying a house, but graduating college, getting married, and taking a trip to Europe made me feel mature too. Well, this week I am doing something that keeps making me think "wow...this feels so GROWN UP!" I am going to a conference! I have been to a technology in education conference, and I have gone to cheer coaching school and whatnot, but this feels so different. Vickie (my co-teacher) and I are FLYING (ya know, on a plane!) to Corpus Christi on Wednesday night and staying in the Omni and everything! The State Autism Conference starts Thursday morning, and goes through Saturday afternoon. We will fly home on Saturday night. Isn't that exciting? It feels so grown up! They are paying for me to fly to another city and stay in a hotel and I got meal money and everything!
I can't wait for the actual conference! I was trying to look through the packet to decide which workshops and speakers to attend, and there are SO MANY that I can't decide! Autism is a fascinating topic on it's own, but being an educator and having several autistic kids in my life, this makes it even more relevant and meaningful to me! I know I will get some GREAT information and useful ideas...I can't to feel INSPIRED!!!