My Heart Hurts

I started this post months ago, and then decided not to post it. Today, I changed my mind.

August 17, 2008
I know I usually try to be in a good mood when I blog, but today, that is impossible. Today, I am not writing for y'all. I am writing for myself...hoping for some therapy. If you would rather not hear bad news, I understand, but I'm just warning you, I don't know how you could read this and NOT be effected. So if you don't want to, do not read the following:

Last night, Ramsi asked me if I got the email about the boy from MHS that is dying of cancer. I told her no and (sadly) didn't think much of it, and then I heard her say his name. Michael Ybarra. A name I have said many time when I was calling roll for the class I subbed more than any class last year. I have talked to this kid (really talked, deep talks) more times than I can count or remember. This kid made a huge impression on me. At one point, I even started writing an article about him for the school paper and District Newsletter. Boy, am I mad at myself for not finishing up on that one.

This kid had a hard life from day one. His biological parents gave him up and he bounced around from one foster home to the next. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and had to have multiple surgeries. Click HERE to see the news story.

10/23/08 This morning I got this email from Zac: I'm sorry to have to be the one to forward this to you, but I knew you wanted to know. I love you.....
"Michael Ybarra passed away last night at 10:40 pm. He woke up out of a coma to hug us and tell us he loved us. Please keep his family and friends in your prayers. I will relay funeral arrangements when I speak to his foster mom today. "

I'm just devastated. Words can't describe it.

I want to close with a few of my favorite Michael moments...

1. The day he came to school with pictures of him and Tony Romo and Jerry Jones! He got to meet them for the Make-A-Wish foundation, and he had pics of him wearing Jerry Jones' super bowl ring, and a picture of Tony Romo hugging him. It was priceless. He was thrilled, and the other kids at school could not hear enough about it...they thought it was cool too!
2. Michael used to get lost alot (due to the brain tumor), and sometimes he would forget how to read. This was usually humiliating for him (duh!), but he always had a smile on his face when he would ask for help. He had the BEST attitude and outlook on life. If the world was filled with people how have Michael's spirit, I imagine it would be a much better place!
3. One day some kids were picking on Chris (another of my favorites...the one with Asperger's) and Michael told this big senior "If you're in the mood to be a bully, pick on me! Leave Chris alone!" Michael and Chris both have social problems that the other couldn't understand, yet they stood up for each other. The day that Michael stood up for Chris, I remember I got a little lump in my throat and thought that was the sweetest thing. I was so proud of him!

I am sad he is gone, yet I am comforted, because I know he is in a better place now, with no pain or sickness. I do not mourn his death, as I know he is better off now, but I have angera nd sadness that any child would have experience life with so many trials and tribulations. I know "life's not fair" but why does it have to be SO unfair for some!?!